The first question you get asked when you mention you planning on moving to China… why China??? That’s probably the most asked question I got before coming here and don’t get me started when you get off the plane that’s still the FAQ of the moment. I kept feeding everyone the same line China chose me because in retrospect I didn’t have an answer that made sense well at least to me.
I ‘m a victim of asking that questions too while making small talk with every tom dick and harry foreigner you meet along the way at some point you get so bored of having the same conversations. Why China what’s your plans for after China blalblala….That I would churn out my auto reply like that annoying voice recorded prompts you hear when making that very important phone call. When all you want to do is speak to a person, not a voice recording on a machine.
For awhile I just got bored of going out and saying the same thing on repeat those questions didn’t mean anything to me anymore. I then realised that that is all we have in common, China and that was the initial small talk to get to know someone.
When it dawned on me, it wasn’t the questions I was bored of it was the answer I was afraid of. I met this guy in my second month here in Shanghai the first time I went.( we still friends today shocker I know lol)
He has been in China for almost3 years and has met dozens of people those that stay temporary and those a little longer, and he said and I quote:”everyone is running away from something.”
That made me wonder is this true??? Am I running away from something…. I mean I had a great life back home nothing I needed “to so call” run away from. Then I realised I wasn’t running away from something but more like searching for answers. As if relocating to a foreign country would answer the question I so longingly needed answers too. Like what am I doing with my life ??
Instead, the answers I seek wasn’t as clear as I thought It would be. Through my almost one year away from home, I learned so much about myself but have I learnt what I want to do with my life NO THE ANSWER IS STILL NO.
So on my quest to figure this thing called my life out and what I am meant to do with it is still pretty much exactly the same as a year ago. Only this time; I did find my answer just not in the form I expected it oh how life throughs you curve balls.
My answer is it’s ok not to know or not to have a clear idea. For the first time in my life, I’m ok with not knowing what my future has in store for me. Don’t get me wrong don’t let the fact that you don’t know stop you from having goals and doing things that you love to do. It’s very rare that people have things figured out even if they look like they do most of the time they don’t, but that doesn’t change who they are, they still good people. You don’t need a career to define who you are, or money in the bank or even to have travelled the world to define who you are. You need to be happy, learn who you, trust God and depend on him with every belief in your soul and the journey you will take will be a story worth telling.
My point is everyone is always searching for things to define them, but the true answer is you need to know yourself. You are capable of doing so much more than we think.
We always our number one critic, and I want to change that and become my number one fan.
Peace love and Happiness