Lately, I have been trying to live more positively working on my health trying to be more active and fueling my spiritual life and building my relationship with God.
By doing so, I had to cut out things that used to make me happy with the pure pleasure of Mac Donalds and trading my coca cola addiction in for water. Days sleeping in too early rises and doing morning exercises and then night time also. Lots of doors had to close for me to become stronger and fitter physically but in toa comes with a mental shift too.
Just like getting my mind right to eat clean and workout daily, I had to cut out things that previously made me happy I no longer enjoy getting drunk and a wild night partying it up till 5 in the morning. I would rather trade that in for a great dinner some good wine or drink of choice not cheap beer or no drinks and good conversations.
Now you may say this is all normal once you get older the things that used to be fun will change. I know many people who are older who still enjoy getting drunk and having wild nights all the time. No judgment from me if that’s what makes you happy then so be it because it did make me happy for many years until it didn’t anymore.
So with this new found appreciation for conquering the days more sober and having fun differently, I have had to change my activities they now include, Muay Thai 3 times a week, running over the weekends yoga and meditation every morning (well most mornings) Hula hooping and dancing and hiking.
I have become a saturday afternoon luncher and sunday bruncher, Church for the soul and living life better for me. God has changed me for the better because I am done living for myself now I am living for him, and during my transition, I have encountered many stumbling blocks before going out and not drinking was hard until it became easy because I just started not enjoying it anymore. Then being in environments where everyone is drunk started becoming incredibly annoying, but I still wanted to be social and hang out with my friends.
So I tried to have the best of both worlds by going out and not drinking and still trying to convince myself I was having fun, I was not at all, and I would often be the girl sitting by myself watching everyone get shit faced.
I read this quote that really struck home it said: “When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.” Alexander Den Heijer.
I realized my environment needs to change and if these people I call friends want to see me, they will make an effort to see me in different situations. If they don’t, I need to walk away from that closed door.
It’s not until this past weekend when I tried yet again to have fun like I used to have fun and it was not fun at all. I love dancing and music festivals, and I went to one of my favorite ones over the weekend. The Indian Festival Holi Hai the festival of colours celebrating the coming of Spring. There is a big Indian community here in Korea, so they host this festival every year. I remember last year having an absolute ball of a time, and I was excited to attend this year’s event.
While trying to just dance and throw my colours, I was being touched and grabbed and been asked for a picture after picture that the festival was not even fun anymore. Don’t get me wrong I will gladly pose for photos and have fun with everyone, but when you shoving a phone in my face and grabbing me to smear colours all over my face and touching my body inapporiatly that’s not OKAY!
I was dead sober, and the more people kept getting drunker, the more the entire environment just turned ugly and ruined something meant to be so beautiful.
I am done making excuses and forcing myself to have fun the way I used too because every time I just leave dissatisfied asking myself what’s wrong with me. It’s not me it’s God sending me a message I no longer crave the same things that fuelled me a year ago, I am changed, and that is ok. I need to listen to the lord above and close the door that I keep trying to open.
This is me closing the door on the past letting go and letting God!
Peace love and Happiness