What am I doing is probably the most common thought that crosses my mind on a daily basis. I have always been indecisive about many things, and I want to be that girl who takes control of every situation, skinny and confident and when I walk into a room people know to take me serious. Meanwhile, while I aspire to be that version of myself I still feel like the weak, indecisive little girl who can’t take control and speak up for herself.
While I might never be the first option, and I am probably over exaggerating the second person I need to find a happy medium of both versions of me. After two successful interviews over the weekend and job offers pending my life altering adventure across to unknown territory, I got cold feet everything seemed like it was happening so fast and if I accepted I would enter this big black hole of the unknown.
My entire life has been comfortable mess one I was somewhat in control of. Yes, I have been very fortunate to live the life I do but I am not getting any younger, and I know I need to leave to get perspective and become that confident individual I know I am.
So why did I decline you may ask?
The offer was good I could leave in a month and start my new adventure in a new city. I was scared to take the first thing that came my way without weighing up my options; reality of being in China overwhelmed me the unknown started to scare me and to be alone was frightening. I started doubting everything and while I was feeling like this my friend who is planning on coming with me also started to feel this way as we had both found work in different cities, and it seemed hard to find something nearby.
For months, this was all we have been talking about and as soon as we got the opportunity to make a reality it scared us does this mean I am not cut out for this? Maybe I am just being cautious or maybe my fear is getting the better of me I don’t know. The indecisive me strikes again.
So while I weigh up my options and drown myself in paperwork and foreign emails stay tuned for what’s next as I am not even sure what next is anymore….
XXX
Confessions of an indecisive girl (Cherry ♥)
