Lately, I have been trying to live more positively working on my health trying to be more active and fueling my spiritual life and building my relationship with God.
By doing so, I had to cut out things that used to make me happy with the pure pleasure of Mac Donalds and trading my coca cola addiction in for water. Days sleeping in too early rises and doing morning exercises and then night time also. Lots of doors had to close for me to become stronger and fitter physically but in toa comes with a mental shift too.
Just like getting my mind right to eat clean and workout daily, I had to cut out things that previously made me happy I no longer enjoy getting drunk and a wild night partying it up till 5 in the morning. I would rather trade that in for a great dinner some good wine or drink of choice not cheap beer or no drinks and good conversations.
Now you may say this is all normal once you get older the things that used to be fun will change. I know many people who are older who still enjoy getting drunk and having wild nights all the time. No judgment from me if that’s what makes you happy then so be it because it did make me happy for many years until it didn’t anymore.
So with this new found appreciation for conquering the days more sober and having fun differently, I have had to change my activities they now include, Muay Thai 3 times a week, running over the weekends yoga and meditation every morning (well most mornings) Hula hooping and dancing and hiking.
I have become a saturday afternoon luncher and sunday bruncher, Church for the soul and living life better for me. God has changed me for the better because I am done living for myself now I am living for him, and during my transition, I have encountered many stumbling blocks before going out and not drinking was hard until it became easy because I just started not enjoying it anymore. Then being in environments where everyone is drunk started becoming incredibly annoying, but I still wanted to be social and hang out with my friends.
So I tried to have the best of both worlds by going out and not drinking and still trying to convince myself I was having fun, I was not at all, and I would often be the girl sitting by myself watching everyone get shit faced.
I read this quote that really struck home it said: “When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.” Alexander Den Heijer.
I realized my environment needs to change and if these people I call friends want to see me, they will make an effort to see me in different situations. If they don’t, I need to walk away from that closed door.
It’s not until this past weekend when I tried yet again to have fun like I used to have fun and it was not fun at all. I love dancing and music festivals, and I went to one of my favorite ones over the weekend. The Indian Festival Holi Hai the festival of colours celebrating the coming of Spring. There is a big Indian community here in Korea, so they host this festival every year. I remember last year having an absolute ball of a time, and I was excited to attend this year’s event.
While trying to just dance and throw my colours, I was being touched and grabbed and been asked for a picture after picture that the festival was not even fun anymore. Don’t get me wrong I will gladly pose for photos and have fun with everyone, but when you shoving a phone in my face and grabbing me to smear colours all over my face and touching my body inapporiatly that’s not OKAY!
I was dead sober, and the more people kept getting drunker, the more the entire environment just turned ugly and ruined something meant to be so beautiful.
I am done making excuses and forcing myself to have fun the way I used too because every time I just leave dissatisfied asking myself what’s wrong with me. It’s not me it’s God sending me a message I no longer crave the same things that fuelled me a year ago, I am changed, and that is ok. I need to listen to the lord above and close the door that I keep trying to open.
This is me closing the door on the past letting go and letting God!
Peace love and Happiness
xxx
Hey Thals. This is so bizarre. I’m on the same plane as you are right now. What’s more weird is that I read the same quote about the flower and resonated with me so deeply. The cherry on the cake is that I was thinking on my way home from church now that I need to let go and let God. This is the Holy Spirit moving in ways we cannot comprehend. It doesn’t matter at which stage of our lives we realise this, as long as it happens. God gives us that spirit of decernment if we allow ourselves to recognise it. I’m thrilled that this is happening for you at this stage in your life. His blessing and favour will rest upon you always. Just keep on keeping on. Satan will continue to test and try us. Let your light continue to shine. The reward is everlasting.
Aww Mel so happy to encourage you and just confirm that you are on the right journey no matter your age as you said as long as you on the journey God is happy remember to him a day could be 1000 years and a1000 years could be a day it’s not about time it’s about Gods timing! God sends people to our lives to lead us and encourage us down the right path no matter the distance because with God we are never as far as it may seem in the real world! We are all human and connect in the special way God intended! So keep letting go as hard as it is and let God continue to work in your life!! Lots of love from your angel far away! Xxx